As the new year starts, we are full of hope, optimism and the desire to do better. As the year progresses, the motivation may diminish, but the intention remains pure. If a deep dive into your marriage, which may include divorce, is one of your new year goals, then don’t shy away. It’s time and you can do it.

The first step in successful holidays without the children is to remind them that they will be ok. Give them permission and encouragement to accept new traditions and to accept them without you. The second step is to remind yourself that you will be ok and let the children know your plans and hopes for yourself for the holidays so that they are relieved of burden or guilt when they enjoy their celebrations.

There is no doubt that a divorce when the kids are older than 18 is much simpler. There are no custody requirements, no financial support required for the kids and no concerns about the impact of the school aged kids having to shuttle between homes. I understand the motivation to wait. I also understand the potential unintended consequences.