Holiday Preparation for First Year of Divorce

Holiday celebrations without children can be difficult and lonely, especially in the first year. Traditions are paused, and the certainty around even the most difficult things becomes uncertain. This is true for the parents and the children, no matter the ages. Children, particularly those still following a structured plan, will have few choices and will be required to tap into their resiliency and adaptability as they follow guidelines that may not coincide with their desires. . Parents, however, will have the opportunity and potentially the burden, of creating new rituals. Whether this means the same celebration without the kids,  a whole new way of celebrating with your children, or the need to create a whole new ritual, the right mindset can create opportunity from hardship.

The first step in successful holidays without the children is to remind them that they will be ok. Give them permission and encouragement to accept new traditions and to accept them without you. The second step is to remind yourself that you will be ok and let the children know your plans and hopes for yourself for the holidays so that they are relieved of burden or guilt when they enjoy their celebrations. The final step is to actually have some hopes and plans and embrace the opportunity for self care, reflection, found time, and the possibilities that come with every new endeavor, no matter how difficult or unexpected. 

Investing in yourself is an investment into the foundation of your family. Your ability to make lemonade from some pretty rotten lemons allows your children to see what’s possible. Acknowledging that sometimes things are very hard comes with acknowledging that you all can do hard things. Holidays have a way of highlighting the highs and lows of life. Make sure that you respect them both and continue to build the highs and find support for the lows. Most importantly, set goals. Lean into your human needs. Find time to do those things that you have put off, and do those things that bring you joy. Allow yourself to feel the feels, respect the emotions and contain them when they start to interrupt your functioning. Lean into any sorrow that comes your way, but don’t let it own you. It is one of many feelings that will come your way so set a timer, acknowledge the sorrow, and when the timer goes off, distract yourself with something that helps you switch gears and enjoy the moment. 

Happy, thoughtful and healthy holidays!