Divorce, Counseling and the Concept of Failure

As the new year starts, we are full of hope, optimism and the desire to do better. As the year progresses, the motivation may diminish, but the intention remains pure. If a deep dive into your marriage, which may include divorce, is one of your new year goals, then don’t shy away. It’s time and you can do it. The first step is recognizing that not all marriages withstand the test of time. Not every decision we make in our 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond, is meant to last a lifetime. Not every period of love and optimism that resulted in bringing children into the world, persists in the romantic way that we all hope for. If your marriage is not enduring, and your ability to find peace, stability and joy is not accessible, then this may be your year to acknowledge that success includes personal fulfillment, role modeling and participation in relationships that bring out your best self, with the safety to take down your mask. In other words, striving for a life well lived and rearranging your relationships to do so, is not failure.

If this is your year, then the first step is to own and acknowledge that you have either done everything you can to avoid divorce, or that you will take on the task of doing everything you can to salvage your marriage. This may include individual therapy, couples counseling or whatever your personal inventory leads you to. The decision making process that you choose to participate in can be the first step in your mindful, thoughtful and successful reorganization of your needs and the needs of your family. Whatever your decision, you will benefit from a trusted advisor, or coach, to help you structure and understand both your marriage, a divorce, or any questions or concerns that you may have about what the future holds. It can be a  meaningful place to set goals, and figure out how best to restructure your current life to meet the hopes and dreams of your future life.